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May 4, 2020

No bad vibes talk to the hand
tribe of girls drinking
Sometimes less is more.

The BIGGEST lesson to learn when yearning for human connection, AVOID bad vibes in the tribe, and although there will be fewer people in your life, it will prepare you to take that next big step forwards. 

“Tribes are not to be trifled with. Your ability to thrive depends on the tribe.”

― Scott Perry

Your tribe is made up of many squads of people and is basically ANYONE you spend a significant amount of time with. These people have the ability to influence your habits, thoughts and decision making, whether you realize it or not.

I was surprised with how quickly I indulged in petty gossip after starting a new job with colleagues who loved bitch about others over a cuppa.

Think about the people you spend time with because they make up the overall vibe of your life and you have complete control to change it for the better. 

Step 1: Figure out what you DON’T want in your life.

Avoiding bad vibes in your tribe involves identifying the toxicity in your everyday interactions and it might even be necessary to also identify those who emit an aura of pure complacency.

This might sound harsh and don’t ignore people when they interact with you, but there is no reason we should be continuing to engage in relationships with people who don’t add any real value to our lives. 

Think about how precious your time is and remember that you don’t need anyone in your life, you are giving that privilege and you have the right to take it away.

In the past I’ve been so desperate for friends (due to being an expat) that I’ve allowed people into my life that have used me, wasted my time and been toxic.

As you’re reading this, you’ve recognized that there are some people who you don’t want in your life, but they might seem to just come with the territory.

I am here to tell you that they don’t, so decide what it is you are and aren’t willing to put up with.

The easiest way to do this is to start to monitor the way you feel and notice what triggers you in your everyday interactions. 

For me, I can’t stand, ‘worst case scenario’ people, who when confronted with a challenge feel the need to state a far-fetched scenario with a detailed interpretation of some horrible reality!

I have no room in my world for people who only see the negative in situations and I urge you to figure out what affects you the most and audit that out of your life.

Step 2: Take a step back.

Talk to the hand
Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels

After you’ve identified those intolerable traits in your immediate tribe just take a measured step back from them.

It’s not fair to you or them, especially if they are close to you, for you to brutally cut them out of your life.

The idea is for you to improve your life, not create drama. Dropping people with no warning or explanation can lead to a lot of unnecessary conflict. 

First, take a half step back at first, limit conversation and avoid divulging information that will elicit opinion or give them permission to comment on your life.

If you are in a situation where you can limit your exposure to them then subtly take the time away and focus on yourself.

Make it clear that it’s not about them but that you want to make more time for yourself.

It will be hard to break the habit but it’s important that you spend the time you would otherwise spend with that person doing something that enriches you. 

I used to spend my commute chatting mindlessly to acquaintances and wondered why I felt no progress towards my goal.

Now, my commute is spent listening to audio books that I normally complain about not having time for and I feel much more productive and motivated overall.

Keep checking in on how you feel with decreasing amounts of exposure to bad vibes and keep taking those small steps backwards until you’ve formed a new habit without them in your life.

Step 3: Replace lost tribe members with new ones

Outlier in the crowd
Photo by Markus Spiske from Pexels

If you are feeling a void in the space where you’ve stepped back from someone, then it makes sense to actively replace that person with someone more suited.

When looking for someone to add to your tribe, I have some useful tips in my post, “HOW TO SET SQUAD GOALS SO THAT YOU WIN AT LIFE.

I suggest going through this exercise twice a year to increase the value of the people around you, by taking a step back from those that aren’t serving you, while gaining those new relationships with people that inspire you.

The main idea to take away is that we absorb so much from the influencers in our lives that can either be positive or negative, regardless they have a lasting affect.

Your tribe can either be sucking the life out of you or serving your higher purpose by encouraging you to go further.

YOU have the ability to control this aspect of life and CHOOSE who you want to be around to avoid bad vibes in your tribe. <3

About the author 

Sarah Labree

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